Matt: Drive faster, Mallory! The bleeding is getting worse.
Mallory: I'm trying, okay? I get nervous when people yell when I'm driving.
Matt: Oh, my fault(!), I'll just die in silent, shall I?!
Mallory: Ugh, Matt, you're always so dramatic!
Jason: Yeah, calm down, Matt, you're not dying. You're just losing large amounts of blood.
Matt: Yes, that happens to be a leading cause of death.
Mallory: No, you're thinking of cancer.
Jason: I thought heart disease was the number one cause of death.
Matt: Yes, but without blood, my heart will have nothing to pump, and will, therefore, get bored and die.
Mallory: Ugh, please try not to get your blood on the seat.
Jason: Are you guys sure this is the right way to the hospital?
Mallory: I'm pretty sure.
Matt: What do you mean "You're pretty sure"?
Mallory: I think it's that… by that place where we ate at the other day. What was it?
Jason: Oh, those fries were delicious!
Mallory: Oh my gosh, seriously, they were so good…
Matt: This is my arm! Notice how I'm able to hold it an entire arm's length away from my body! This is an undesirable quality! I insist that you focus on finding me medical care!
Jason: Hey, how come we're slowing down?
Mallory: Some ducks are crossing the road. Well, what else am I supposed to do?
Matt: Kill them!
Mallory: That's terrible!
Matt: No! This is terrible!
Mallory: I'm not killing those ducks, Matt.
Jason: Yes, they are adorable.
Matt: Get. Me. To. A. Hospital.
Jason: Matt, your arm is really cold.
Matt: Is it, Jason? I'm no doctor, but I would venture to guess that's probably indicative of some kind of severe trauma!
Jason: I don't know, some people just have cold hands all the time.
Mallory: Oh, should I turn the heater on?
Jason: Oh, yeah.
Matt: Guys, if I don't make it, I just want you both to know that I hate you.
Jason: Matt, quit being so dramatic. Look, the ducks are crossing the road…
Mallory: See? And nothing had to die. Oh look, the place with the fries, do you think we have time?
|Season 1 Episode 6|
| ~ Trip to the ER (transcript) ~|
~ Generation Gap (transcript) ~
~ While You Were Out (transcript) ~
~ Channel Surfing (transcript) ~
~ Metropolitan Boy Scouts (transcript) ~
~ Foreign Exchange (transcript) ~