Mallory: Hey, mom?
Whitney: What is it, sweetie?
Mallory: I'm just working on a school project about family stories, and I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions.
Mallory: Okay. Ah.
Mallory: First question is: "How did you and dad feel the day I was born?"
Whitney: Oh, that was a great day. One of the happiest of our lives.
Whitney: Yeah. As soon as we came home from the orphanage with you bundled in our arms...
Mallory: Wait, wait, wait. Mom, did you just say "orphanage"?
Whitney: Oh, it's not what you think. Your father and I were in the peace corps at the time volunteering at an orphanage, and I went into labor and had you there.
Mallory: Wow! That's crazy, keep going.
Whitney: Well, as soon as we left, we knew we had to treat you as our own.
Mallory: Okay, wait, that sounds suspicious. Was I not your own?
Whitney: Honey, you're not listening! You didn't let me finish. We had to treat you as our own daughter.
Mallory: Okay, how does that change anything?
Whitney: Because we thought we were going to have a son. As soon as we got you, we knew we had to change our thinking.
Mallory: Okay, mom, you've got to speak a little more straightforwardly.
Whitney: Well, I'm being as straightforward as I know how! Do you want help with your assignment?
Mallory: Yes, I'm sorry. Keep going.
Whitney: Well, as soon as we got home, we immediately decided to thank your previous family.
Mallory: I had another family?
Whitney: Sweetie, you need to use your ears! You're not listening!
Mallory: Yes, I am! I am listening to the exact words you're saying!
Whitney: You know we're very religious! We had to thank that family.
Mallory: Okay, just... how did you and dad feel when you brought me home?
Whitney: Well, it's difficult to put into words. You know how daddy Warbucks feels when he finally gets Annie?
Mallory: When he adopted her?!
Whitney: Or when Pharaoh got Moses?
Mallory: Also adopted!
Whitney: Or when nobody got Bruce Wayne?
Mallory: Mother who may not be my mother! It really sounds like you adopted me!
Whitney: We did!
Mallory: Okay, so you admit it?
Whitney: We adopted you into our lives.
Mallory: You are so confusing!
Whitney: I don't see why. The word "adopt" has many meanings.
Mallory: Ugh, can we just finish this? I need to re-evaluate my life.
Whitney: Well, when we took you home, it was a... it was a hard transition since you didn't share our jeans.
Mallory: For the love, mom! I didn't share your genes?
Whitney: No! Jeans!
Mallory: We're saying the same word!
Whitney: Our jeans! Like "Sisterhood of the traveling pants"?
Mallory: I didn't share your pants?
Whitney: Our jeans, yes. Ever since your father and I saw that movie, we always wanted to share a magical pair of jeans with our entire family, but you were still too little for them.
Mallory: Okay, mom, you are seriously freaking me out right now! Am I or am I not adopted?!
Whitney: You are!
Mallory: In the... in the traditional sense of the word?!
Whitney: You're not!
Mallory: Ugh, mom, this almost makes me wish I were adopted!
Whitney: Well, you certainly don't share our jeans!
Mallory: Forget it! Forget it!
Whitney: What? Honey! What?