Terrible Friend Award

Terrible Friend Award


Jason: It is now time to give out our company MVP Award. For increasing our client base by over twenty percent, it is my honor to present this award to my good friend, Harold Gardner. We've been life-long friends, and he's always been a better friend to me than I was to him.
James: No, come on, John. We know that's not true.
Jason: But really though. Compared to him, I have been a terrible friend.
James: What? Hey, we've all made our share fair of mistakes, right? That's friends for you.
Jason: No, but really, though.
James: Really, it's too much.

Jason: We're still friends, even though I have done that neither this audience, or any innocent child, should ever hear about.

Jason: Growing up, Harold was always "The cool kid", and I was always "The sociopath".
James: Okay, he's just joking. Mister McCarthy is not a sociopath.
Jason: What a nice thing to say...
James: Sure.
Jason: ...given the atrocities that I've committed to both men and nature.

James: I don't know about any atrocities. John's a good man, certainly exaggerating some small childhood blunder-
Jason: Which sounds like "blender", and reminds me of the horrors that I've committed over and over again.
James: What are you doing?!
Jason: Hey, I'm proud of you, just keep going. You're doing great.
James: Stop!

James: Um... well, I just want to thank my team. Seriously, they were a huge explosion of creativity.
Jason: Speaking of violent explosions-
James: I didn't say violent!
Jason: My crime is so heinous, Steven Avery got another life sentence for it.

James: Okay, what did you do?
Jason: You know...
James: What? I don't understand.
Jason: I left the fridge open for a week, that's why it stank.
James: That's not a big deal.
Jason: Because of the severed head...
James: The what?!
Jason: ... of lettuce...
James: Oh.
Jason: ...wrapped around the body...
James: Really?!
Jason: ...of lies.
James: John.
Jason: Lies that cost me kill a family...
James: Is that what-
Jason: ...of bees! I have innocent honey on my hands, people!