Substitute Breakup

Substitute Breakup


Adam: Hi sir, can I get you another refill while you wait?
Jason: Ah no, I think five is enough.
Adam: Okay. Yeah.

Matt: Hey Jason, how is it going?
Jason: Good, I'm actually wait… um… just about to meet Whitney here on a dinner date, and uh… I am really excited about this one. Yeah.
Matt: I am actually here on Whitney's behalf, she wanted me to come talk to you for her.
Jason: Oh, is she gonna be late?
Matt: Not exactly.
Jason: What is it?
Matt: May I sit down?
Jason: Yeah, go ahead, until she

Matt: Look, Jason, we've been dating for a while now, and...
Jason: Excuse me?
Matt: This is just what she told me to tell you.
Jason: Oh, and the paper...Yes, proceed. I'm sorry.

Matt: You're a really great guy and all, but this just isn't working out for me.
Jason: Why not?
Matt: I don't know, hang on. "It just feels like we've become so distant, we never talk anymore…
Jason: Well, I've been really busy lately.
Matt: I know you've been really busy lately… That was serendipitous. And we've talked about… Oh, you know, I'm gonna skip this part.
Jason: Don't. I need to hear it.
Matt: We've talked about the body odor issue… This seems personal to me, maybe…
Jason: Well, what about you?
Matt: What?
Jason: I mean her. She never wants to do the things that I want to do.
Matt: Well, I'm sorry, but a monster truck rally is not my idea of a romantic evening!
Jason: Well, I'm sorry I can't buy you flowers every night.
Matt: Are you trying to make me feel guilty?
Jason: No, I just wish…
Matt: Do not try to turn this back on me, I have poured my heart into this relationship!
Jason: Look, just don't be upset!
Matt: I am not upset!

Jason: What else did she say?
Matt: Hang on, she wanted an awkward pause here. I am just, like, you don't understand me and I don't even know how to explain… Don't touch me! Oh never mind, proceed. I am just so stressed out these days, you know, my sister and I don't get along, my dog died, I hate my job…
Jason: Wait, she doesn't have a job?
Matt: I know, I was talking about me.
Jason: Oh come on man, stick to the paper!
Matt: Fine.

Matt: I just need some time apart to think things over.
Jason: If that's what you want.
Matt: You're not even gonna fight for me? I have given you the best years of my life, Jason... Gray, and this is all I have to show for it?
Jason: Honey?
Matt: Don't you "honey" me?! This is one sweet nectar you won't be tasting again!
Jason: What does that even mean?

Season 1 Episode 7
~ St. Crispin's Day Speech (transcript) ~
~ Substitute Breakup (transcript) ~
~ Awkward Avoidance Viking: Grocery Store (transcript) ~
~ Excuse Me (transcript) ~
~ Awkward Avoidance Viking: Ex-Girlfriend (transcript) ~
~ Dead Wedding (transcript) ~
~ Awkward Avoidance Viking: Grandma's House (transcript) ~
~ Dinner Party (transcript) ~