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Studio C Season 5006:01

Studio C Season 50

Transcript:


BACKSTAGE:

Jeremy: Hey man! You excited for the new season?
Adam: Oh Yeah! So excited to be back on set!
Mallory: Yes, my brothers! So, how- how many seasons do you guys think we're going to be doing? Like maybe eight or ten or something?
James: Or fifty seasons!
Jason: (Maniacal laughter) Trust me, that would be awful.

Whitney: No way! How did you get that?
Jason: I'm a time traveller.
Matt: Time traveller or a Time Lord?
Jason: Stop pandering, Matthew!
Matt: Ouch, those are real!
James: I don't care how he got it, I just want to watch it.
Jason: What? No, James! Whitney: Yeah, put it in!
Jason: James, no! Whitney: Come on, come on! Play it!
Jason: You don't know what y- Whitney: Put it in!
James: All right.

SEASON 15:

Bisque Man: Come on, what is this? Too many buttons. Hey guys, hi. Welcome to the new season, starring me and only me.
Jason: This must be Season 15, the entire cast and crew goes on strike except for James.
Bisque Man: This is a list of all the words that rhyme with BISQUE, including surnames.
DISC, RISK, LILIANQUIST-
Jason: This goes on for three seasons.
James: How are the ratings?
Jason: (Sarcastic laughter) Amazing.
James: Nice.
Bisque Man: -and now let's move on to the slant rhymes.
Jason: You win an Emmy for this part.
James: Oh, typical.

BACKSTAGE:

Stephen: Okay Jason, are you saying that you've seen all of our futures?
Jason: Yeah, you die in Season 7 after an epileptic seizure from watching the opening credits.
Stephen: I knew it.
Whitney: What happens to me?
Jason: This.

WEDDING:

Ann Withers: Mr. Stein, as an Outsider I'd often wondered if I'd ever find An Ideal Husband, but thanks to you my cares are Gone With the Wind and I am no longer Misérables, but instead I can face this Brave New World all dolled up like a Princess Bride, and thank you for letting my wedding colors be The Color Purple.
Jason: That wasn't even a sketch, that was your actual wedding!
Stephen: R. L. Stein is your back-up?
Whitney: I'm just as upset as you are!
Stephen: Yeah, right.

BACKSTAGE:

Mallory: Guys, what's going on here?
Adam: So what happens to the rest of us?
Jason: Well, Natalie quits after having octuplets.
Natalie: What?
Jason: What? Nothing. Mallory goes to prison after strangling the seven millionth fan who asked her if she's dating Matt.
Mallory: I did that yesterday, but I didn't get caught.
Jason: And Adam?
Adam: Yeah?
Jason: The Special Effects team gets a little experimental with you, so it's probably just better if we watch it.

ON-SET:

Adam: Jeremy! We finally have the technology for Portal guns! (screams)
Jeremy: Hash browns?

BACKSTAGE:

Adam: I'm not even mad.
Natalie: Is anyone else craving some hash browns?
Jason: You're going to be craving a lot of things.
Natalie: What?
Jason: What? Noth-
Matt: Listen, guys, just because Mal, Whit, Jeremy, Adam, Stephen and Natalie all have horrible future experiences-
Stephen: I die!
Matt: -doesn't mean that we shouldn't go all the way to Season 50. We just need to be careful and choose timeless characters.
Natalie: Like?
Matt: Like Eckelstone, Captain Literally, Kyle, Scott Sterling, oh, Shoulder Angel?
Natalie: Please humble him, Jason!
Jason: Yep.

RETIREMENT HOME:

Jason: B-9. Bingo! I win!
Stacey: Hey! Hey!
Jason: What? Oh hey, Stacey.
Stacey: You want to see a pirated version of Parks and Recreation?
Jeremy: Stacey, you aged so well.
Stacey: Yeah, I do! Get it! Get it!
Jason: Oh, I haven't seen that in forty years.
Stacey: Oh, and I found a DVD player too!
Jason: Oh!
Stacey: Come on!
Jason: I don't know if that's a good idea, but uh...
Stacey: Come on!
Shoulder Angel: (cough) Poof!
Jason: Who are you?
Shoulder Angel: I am your Angel Shoulder. Here, James!
Jason: I'm Jeremy!
Stacey: No, no! You're Stacey!
Shoulder Angel: I'm just going to-
Jason: Oh, okay. Oh. Oh (mumble).
Shoulder Angel: Am I there yet?
Jason: Yeah, close. Is he close? No. Okay.
Shoulder Angel: Ah my joints!
Jason: You got to want it!
Shoulder Angel: It's like climbing a corpse. Write checks my body can't cash.
Jason: My body- (squirms) I need my pills! Pills! That was good. Okay. Why do we make this a thing? Why do you alw-
Shoulder Angel: Jason?
Jason: Yeah?
Shoulder Angel: Don't listen to your silver-foxed friend Cyndi.
Stacey: Look, I'm Natalie!
Shoulder Angel: Don't listen to her!
Jason: You got ten seconds before my back explodes!
Shoulder Angel: What?
Jason: I lied, you have three!
(screams)

BACKSTAGE:

Cast: Oww...
Matt: After seeing this, I think we can all agree that we should only do ten more seasons?
Crew: First sketch is up!
Stephen: Guys, can we talk about changing the opening credits?
Natalie: No!

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