Neighborhood Watch

Neighborhood Watch


Jason: Well, uh, Jan and I would like to thank each of you for coming out and volunteering for our neighborhood watch program.
Whitney: That's right. We want to keep our street clean and our kids safe, and thanks to you all, we can do just that.
Jason: And we just got the new shipment of street signs, so let's hang them up, and, uh, make it official, huh?
Whitney: That's right! Oh, mr. Hansen picked them up today, right?
Jeremy: Yeah, I just picked them up from city hall, I haven't even opened the box yet, so...

Jeremy: Okay. And ta-da!

Jeremy: Um...
Matt: Are we gonna... talk about this?
Stacey: Yes.
Mallory: Yeah, why does that picture look just like mister Hanson?
Jason: Uh, you're not a suspicious character, are you, Charles?
Jeremy: What?
Natalie: Sweetheart, is this true?
Jeremy: What? No! No. Just because I look like this picture doesn't make me a criminal.
Jason: But being a criminal does make you look like that picture.
Natalie: Yes.
Jeremy: Okay, still, no.
Jason: Wait, wait, wait a second. I let him borrow my leafblower and he never gave it back.
Jeremy: Okay, you never gave it to me.
Jason: So he stole my leafblower and never gave it back!
Jeremy: What?!

Stacey: You know, the other day, Charles was handing out candy to children.
Jeremy: So were you. It was Halloween.
Stacey: We were handing out toothbrushes.
Mallory: Thank you.
Jeremy: And that's not weird?

Natalie: You know, I've never trusted that mustache.
Jeremy: Honey!
Whitney: And, you know, come to think of it, Charles Hanson does sound suspiciously like Charles Manson!
Jeremy: Okay, alright. Look, look. If I were Charles Manson, why would I only change my name by one letter?
Matt: Because you're a murderer and you're lazy.
Whitney: Yes.
Stacey: Yeah, you know what I mean?

Stacey: Wait! He's not even Charles Manson!
Jeremy: Okay, thank you! Wait, is that my wallet?
Stacey: It's much worse. He has another family!
Jeremy: Stop gasping!
Matt gasps.
Matt: Sorry.

Stacey: Yeah, and, uh, here's a picture of them!
Jeremy: Okay, alright, that's a stock photo. It came with the wallet.
Stacey: Oh! You're stalking them? Okay, okay.

Jeremy: Look, I'm not a criminal! I don't even jaywalk.
Natalie: I guess that's true, he only walks in the designated areas. It's actually really annoying.
Jeremy: Uh, Dale, when you ran for city council, who helped you run?
Jason: I lost.
Jeremy: But who helped you run?
Jason: You.
Jeremy: And Neal, when you narrowly beat Dale for city council, who was the deciding vote?
Matt: You.
Jason: Hey!
Jeremy: And Gary, when you stole Dale's leafblower, who covered for you? Okay? That's where it went!
Whitney: Okay, Charles, I'm sorry we suspected you of being a murderous criminal.
Natalie: I'm sorry I trusted a street sign over thirteen years of marriage.

Whitney: Well, you know, I guess we could just put these old signs up.
Stephen: Aw, come on!