Miss Frizzle's Performance Review

Miss Frizzle's Performance Review


Mallory: Principal Jones?
Matt: Yes, Diane?
Mallory: Valerie's here to see you.
Matt: Send her in.

Whitney: Good morning, principal Jones!
Matt: Good morning, Miss Frizzle. Miss Frizzle, I've asked you here today, because frankly, we have received a number of complaints about you and your quote-unquote magic school bus.
Whitney (chuckles)
Matt: No. I'm afraid there's nothing funny about turning your students into raindrops?
Whitney: Oh, just some harmless exploration of the water cycle.
Matt: No, "harmless" is a diagram. What you did, was change the molecular structure of your students' bodies… and then evaporated them into a cloud. All, I might add, without parental consent.
Whitney: Sounds exciting, doesn't it?
Matt: No, it sounds like a lawsuit!

Matt: Miss Frizzle…
Whitney: Please, call me The Friz.
Matt: I'd rather not. I wish I could say this was the worst of it, but if… my information is accurate, you took your students into a volcano?
Whitney: An underwater volcano!
Matt: So there was no lava then?
Whitney: Oh no, there was lots of lava!
Matt: What about that sentence doesn't raise any red flags for you?
Whitney: I remember Dorothy Ann got third-degree burns, but that's all right, because the next day we dove into her skin and analyzed blisters.

Matt: Yes, that brings me to the next issue, which is the entering of the nervous and digestive systems of Arnold and Ralphie?
Whitney: Oh, yes! We were studying Ralphie's brain. Unfortunately, Carlos stepped on Ralphie's medulla oblongata, and Ralphie hasn't been able to talk since. It was a great object lesson.
Matt: No! You are a public educator, you are not a neurosurgeon, or a meteorologist, or a geologist! You have no business shrinking, evaporating or flying, and, for goodness sakes, we are not allowed to take students out of the county, let alone the world! You have been to space four times!
Whitney: Seven, actually.
Matt: That is not better.
Whitney: The last time, we found ourselves at the heart of a supernova. I felt like we crossed a line at that point. But I would do anything to instill a love of education in these students. Why I even used Liz for our unit on taxidermy!

Matt: Enough, Miss Frizzle! I would have to let you go for any one of these items.
Whitney: But the students love it!
Matt: Not all of them! Arnold will need intensive psycho-therapy before he can see you again.
Whitney: Arnold is a pansy! Sorry. Principal Jones, I think you're missing the big picture here. Now is the time to take chances, make mistakes...
Matt: Your... Your mistakes have cost millions in reparation fees.

Whitney: I don't see your point.
Matt: The point, miss Frizzle, is that we're letting you go.
Whitney: Fine. Come on, Liz.

Mallory: Principal Jones, someone from Homeland Security is here to see you? Something about one of our school buses breaching security at the Russian embassy?
Whitney: Ah, our espionage field trip! Good times. Well, I don't work here anymore.

Season 1 Episode 10
~ Lord of the Dance (transcript) ~
~ Miss Frizzle's Performance Review (transcript) ~
~ Shooting Booth (transcript) ~
~ Jealous (transcript) ~
~ James Austen (transcript) ~
~ Shoulder Angel Meets Shawn Bradley (transcript) ~