Metropolitan Boy Scouts

Metropolitan Boy Scouts


Matt: Are you scoutmaster Gray?
Jason: Hey yeah, you must be Matthew. I heard you was moving in today. Wow, you knocked my stuff over. Hey hey hey, you from Iowa, right?
Matt: Yes sir, I was a scout back home, so I was excited to join up here.
Jason: Yeah well, we do scouting a little different here in New York City. I mean, we don't mess around with that wilderness survival stuff, you see any wilderness here? No, you don't.
Matt: Well yeah, there are some woods right over there.
Jason: No, that's just a mural of some trees painted against a convenient store.
Matt: Wow, that is so real.
Jason: Yeah. We got some good art.

Jason: Now, the keys to survive here. You can forget your compass, forget your plant identification, the only thing you need to identify here, are the local gangs, specifically the girl scouts. I mean, you try and sell a cookie this part of town, they will shove two packages of thin mints down your throat and drop you in the Hudson river. Yeah.

Jason: Hey hey, Stephen. Why don't you come on over here and recite the Metropolitan Scout Law to Matt?
Matt: But I already know it.
Stephen: Metropolitan Boy Scout is-
Matt: Trustworthy.
Stephen: -trustworthy,-
Matt: Loyal.
Stephen: -loyal,-
Matt: Helpful.
Stephen: -helpful,-
Matt: Friendly.
Stephen: -friendly, but a jerk when necessary,-
Matt: What?
Stephen: -cheerful, unless he meets a tourist, brave, in trying new restaurants that could give him food poisoning, and knowledgeable, about elevators and subways, that are smelling wrong and should thus be avoided.
Jason: Nicely done. So what merit badge are you working on?
Stephen: Oh, I was hoping to pass off pigeon identification right now, actually.
Jason: Very real, proceed.
Stephen: Okay. Uh… pigeon, pigeon, ... bench?
Jason: Yeah.
Stephen: ..pigeon, pigeon.
Jason: And?
Stephen: Don't feed any of them, they're all monsters.
Jason: Congratulations, you just earned your badge.
Stephen: Thank you!
Matt: Well, that seemed a little easy.
Jason: Wow, don't you ever underestimate the power of a pigeon to deceive you, Matthew.

Jason: Okay, let's all listen up to senior patrol leader Tony.
James: Alright, so here was… so I was thinking for a campout tonight, we're gonna be sleeping on city benches covered in papes…
Jason: Newspapers, to the layman.
Matt: Oh.
James: ...alright, so who here is ready to make a trashcan fire?
Matt: Oh, I know how to build a fire using sticks and rocks.
James: Who is this guy?
Jason: He's new, so...
James: Ah, okay, okay, okay, alright, okay. Country boy. Now who knows the proper way to build a trashcan fire?
Whitney: Oh, I do. Okay, So you find some newspaper here, and you crumple it up, you throw it in the garbage, and then you find a lit cigarette butt. Fire.
James: Spot on!
Whitney: Yeah.
Matt: That's a girl.
Jason: Wow, we don't discriminate here in the city.
Whitney: I'm a better boy scout than you'll ever be.

Jeremy: Hey yo, scoutmaster Frank!
Stacey: Yo, scoutmaster Frank!
Jason: Hey, how you doing? How you doing boys?
Whitney: Hey!
Jason: Yeah, yeah. So where you boys headed?
Jeremy: Oh, yeah, yeah, we're just gonna go get our taxi cab merit badge, we're gonna go get hit by that cab right there.
Jason: Yeah, yeah, okay.
Stacey: Wait, wait, but ain't that how Greg broke his legs?
Jason: Well yeah, but you just gotta stay loose, you know? And you'll be fine, you'll be fine. Go do it.
James: Yeah, go with the flow.
Matt: Uh, you guys are crazy!
Jason: The city is a dangerous place, Matthew.

Jason: Now I got a project for the three of yous, okay? Now, you can pass off two merit badges, if you can successfully walk through that sewer smog, and avoid giving that homeless woman any money. Okay? Here's some change, here we go. Good luck.
James: Alright boys, now you just gotta be strong, okay?
Whitney: Okay.
Adam: Okay.
James: You can do this.

Mallory: Hey. Hey, please! I'm homeless!
Adam: Oh, she smells so bad! Guilt. Guilt, it hurts!
Mallory: Okay.
Whitney: I'm sorry, I only carry credit cards.
Mallory: I can see your change, please!
Whitney: No, it's for my lunch money!
Mallory: I want it!
James: Alright, alright, they're doing good.
Mallory: Please!
James: Matthew, come on.
Matt: No, I can't do this! Here, take his money and… and my watch, and my shoes…
Mallory: Oh, I don't want your shoes.
Matt: Well, you're getting them, because I'm a real boy scout, and that is what we do! We are giving and kind, we camp in the woods, okay? That's… Hey! Hey! She just stole my bike! I hate this city!
Jason: Hey, congratulations, you just earned your Inappropriate Public Display of Rage merit badge.
Whitney: Hey, nicely done!

James: Alright.
Whitney: Hey, shrug it off, alright? Alright, shrug it off.

Season 1 Episode 6
~ Trip to the ER (transcript) ~
~ Generation Gap (transcript) ~
~ While You Were Out (transcript) ~
~ Channel Surfing (transcript) ~
~ Metropolitan Boy Scouts (transcript) ~
~ Foreign Exchange (transcript) ~