Jason: Hello again, female co-ed. And welcome to Chapter 6 of The Dating Guide. Today we will discuss the first kiss. For this chapter you'll need your practice dummy, included in the dating kit.
Jason: Now seat your dummy on a couch or comfortable chair.
Jason: Remember, do not go for the kiss too soon, hasty girls will get a disappointing peck on the cheek and a let's-just-be-friends-handshake-goodnight. Now drape the dummy's arm around your shoulders.
Jason: Test your breath. Does it smell like feminine vulnerability? Good. Now rest your head on your dummy's shoulder. But be careful: You don't want to remind your date of a cat begging for tuna.
Jason: That's better. If your man of interest catches on to this subtle gesture and approves, he will rest his head on yours.
Jason: Now every moment is key. Look at your man of interest until he turns to look at you.
Jason: Glance at his lips. Then look away. Then back at his lips. Let your man of interest congratulate himself on successfully wooing his woman of choice before he moves closer. Allow the tension to build. Wait for it. And…
Mallory: Hey Whitney.
Whitney: Oh Mallory, hi. Sorry, I was just uhm… do… uhm… I was just practising.
Mallory: Yes, I see you've met my brother Jeremy?
Jeremy: Mallory, I was this close!
Mallory: You're disgusting!