James: Alright, popcorn, anybody?

James: Alright guys, I wanted to mention there's this new guy at work that I invited, he seems really shy… I think this is actually the first party he's ever been to. So uh… how can we feel… make him feel, you know, part of the group?
Jeremy: Well, we can probably play a group game together, or something?
Cast: Yeah.
Stephen: Maybe Apples to Apples?
Adam: No! I hate Apples to Apples! No one ever picks my cards.
Stephen: Choose better cards.
James: Okay, so… how about…
Mallory: How about Mafia? I love Mafia, I play it on our parties.
Cast: Oh yeah!
James: That's perfect. Okay, yeah, because it's…

James: Oh, that's gotta be him. Uh… so, just be really nice, okay?

James: Hey, come on in. Hey everybody, this is Jason.
Cast: Hey Jason.
Matt: You want to come in? We're just about to play Mafia.
Natalie: Yeah, come sit by me.
Jason: What's Mafia?
Mallory: Oh, it's so fun, you're gonna love it.
James: Yeah, I'll explain the rules. So, first, I'm gonna get some cards and pass them out to everyone. Whoever gets the Jack, is gonna be the mafia.
Whitney: Ugh, I love being mafia, they're the ones who get to kill people.
Adam: Yeah.
Jason: Kill people?
Whitney: Yeah, you'll love it.

James: Alright, remember, whoever's Jack is mafia. So don't show anyone your card, okay? Don't let anyone else see it. Okay,  uh… so, now everyone, close your eyes. Whoever's mafia, stand up, open your eyes and go choose someone to kill. Oh, and please make sure the person knows that you've killed them. And… and just a hint, you want to be quiet, so that no one knows who it is.

James: Alright mafia, I'm gonna count down from fifteen, and then we've got to move on, okay? 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0! Okay, now everyone, open your eyes, and…
Natalie: Wow, he made a crime scene and everything. That's impressive.
James: That's intense.
Mallory: Man, he really looks dead. He doesn't even have a pulse, what a jokester.
Natalie: It's Stephen, he's good!
James: Okay, okay, now this is the part where we all have to accuse each other and try to figure out who did it.

Natalie: I think it's Whitney, she's always had it out for Stephen.
Whitney: The first person to call it is always mafia.
Adam: No, no, wait, wait. It was Mallory. I know it, because I heard some rustling in her area.
Mallory: What?! No! It was not me, it was not me. You wanna know who it is? It's Jeremy, because he always gets that lazy eye when he lies.
Whitney: It's true!
Jeremy: I have an astigmatism!
Whitney: Okay, yeah.
Jeremy: It's a miracle I can even see! I'm serious! You guys, all twenty perfect visions people. Besides guys, it's probably Jason.
Jason: No!

Jason: You can't prove anything!

Season 1 Episode 5
~ The Entertainment (transcript) ~
~ Chatterbox (transcript) ~
~ New Year's Resolution (transcript) ~
~ Everything Sounds Nicer (lyrics) ~
~ Google Translate (transcript) ~
~ Mafia (transcript) ~