Jeremy Isn't Real

Jeremy Isn't Real


Matt: Does anyone know where Jeremy is? Season 7 is about to start.
Jason: Oh yeah, I'll go find him.
Matt: Good. Because we can't do the show without Jeremy.

Matt: Jeremy! Good. Wait, where's Jason now?
Jeremy: Um, hold on.
Matt: What in the world?! Are they not taking this seriously?
Natalie: It's fine, Matt.

Matt: Jer- Where the flip is Jeremy now?! Why are you wearing a mustache?!
Jason: Uh, I'm... I'm not. Your mom wears mustaches!

Stephen: Let's get out there!
Matt: Nobody move! Sit down! Why is everyone acting so weird?

Natalie: ...Jeremy isn't real!
Cast: Natalie!
Matt: What?
James: Now, guys, Natalie's right. I mean, by now it's Season 7. Matt deserves to know the truth.
Matt: You honestly expect me to believe that Jason has been playing Jeremy this entire time? What about sketches with both of them in it?
James: Well, that's when I play Jeremy.
Matt: No. No, you guys are messing with me.
Mallory: Uh, no. All of us have played Jeremy at least once.
Matt: Oh, yeah, sure. Then what sketch did Stacey play Jeremy in?
Stephen: Are you kidding? He did the Just Jeremy sketches. He's the best Jeremy out of all of us!
Whitney: We wanted him to play both roles in the Gary & Carl sketch, but we couldn't figure out the logistics.
James: Yeah, that's why they turned out so bad.
Whitney: That's true.
Mallory: Really, we only did it for the million dollar Dasani deal, so...
Stephen: Yeah, true.

Matt: Ha ha, you guys are so hilarious. Why don't you prove it, Jeremy? Ah, devil Jeremy!
Jeremy: No, Matt. It's me, Stacey.
Matt: Why have you done this?
Adam: Well, you know, ever since Season 1, we all knew that you'd be the star of the show, so the only way for us to get more parts, was to pretend to be a fictitious person.
Whitney: We've had a lot of fun, haven't we, babe?
Matt: Whitney, we are you kissing Stacey?
Stacey: Relax, Matt! That's now Stephen, pretending to be Jeremy.
Whitney: You know, I actually think he looks better with the wig and mustache.
Jeremy: So do I!

Matt: I guess this all checks out... Wait, what about sketches with all ten of us?
Cast talks through each other.
James: You've done it when you were asleep.
Matt: I have to hand it to you guys, I guess the reason I've liked Jeremy so much is, he's a little piece of each of you.
Stacey Harkey: Thanks a lot, dude!

Matt: But as much as I like Jeremy, there is someone else in the cast who means even more to me.
Adam: We should all talk about the whole Mattory-thing, like right now!
Stacey: Yeah. Yeah, we should really bring that up, because...

Jason: I am so sorry, but we only have two girls in the cast.
Matt: No!