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Google Translate06:26

Google Translate

Transcript:


JASON'S BEDROOM:

Matt: Hey, you look happy. What's up?
Jason: I have a girlfriend.
Matt: Really? Congratulations. Where did you two meet?
Jason: Well, we haven't met in person, but we've been chatting online.
Matt: Congratulations less.
Jason: Oh, pish posh.
Matt: Ever since you got a girlfriend, you talk a lot more like a sixty-year-old British woman.
Jason: Matt, this girl is amazing. She's from this small town in Estonia, so whatever I write, I have to put into Google Translator, but we're so in love.
Matt: Google Translator? That thing can mess stuff up pretty badly sometimes… What on earth is that language?!
Jason: It's Nordic backwards Latvian schlang.
Matt: That sounds made up.
Jason: 27 people speak it Matt, it's actually quite common.

Jason: She's a beautiful girl, and it's a beautiful language. There she is. Hel Gegatha.
Matt: Oh, she looks very… agricultural.
Jason: That's what I like about her most. And today I tell her I want to meet in person.
Matt: It's a big day.
Jason: Yes.

Jason: "I love you so much, my darling. You are beautiful like the sea and amazing as the stars. I'm so glad I found you."
Matt: Eugh. My brain just vomited.
Jason: Shut up, Matt. You don't understand love, it's complicated.


AGRICULTURAL BEDROOM:

Mallory: Oh!

I have so many love for you, darling. You are amazing and pretty as fireballs. I am happy I looked you.

Mallory: Ooh! (speaks in a 'foreign' language)


JASON'S BEDROOM:

I love you, Jason. So many, so many. I would want you to marry.

Jason: Oh my goodness, she wants to marry me!
Matt: Yeah, it might not be the greatest idea.
Jason: Oh, tea and crumpets!
Matt: Ah, there's that old British woman again. Listen, you need to meet this girl in person, before you get involved in something crazy with someone you met online. I mean, she could be a total psychopath, or a 900-year-old man… She could be taller than you!
Jason: No! Don't you even say that! But you're right, we should meet before we make plans.
Matt: Thank you.
Jason: "I'm ecstatic at your offer, but I think we should meet face-to-face before we make any plans. What's your address? I will book a flight and come find you as soon as I can."


AGRICULTURAL BEDROOM:

My love, I am happy at you, but I thought our face and face should meet before we make plans. What your address? I will Bible a flight and come look at you as soon as I can.

Mallory: Ooh! Ooh! Mammy! Mammy!
Whitney: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Mallory: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Whitney: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Adam: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Whitney: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Mallory: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)


JASON'S BEDROOM:

I live in only cottage on Hoghill Mountain in Peske, Estonia. Is two-day climb, and our heels are infested with werewolf monkeys.

Jason: I can't believe I'm doing this!
Matt: What? You're gonna do this?! What about the werewolf monkeys?

Rabid monkeys.

Matt: I guess that's better.
Jason: "I'm so happy. I hope to impress your family when I come to your house, so that I can marry you, Hel Gegatha."


AGRICULTURAL BEDROOM:

Mallory: Oh!

I am so happy. I hope to come to your home and murder your family, so that I can marriage you, Hel Gegatha.

Whitney: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Adam: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Mallory: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Whitney: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)


JASON'S BEDROOM:

Please, don't hurt me.

Jason: Aw, she's afraid of getting hurt! It's so sweet and tender!
Matt: I guess that is pretty sweet. Okay, she's growing on me.
Jason: "I'm scared too, but I promise I won't hurt you. I stick to my guns."


AGRICULTURAL BEDROOM:

Fear also, it will not hurt. I stick with guns.

Whitney: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Adam: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Mallory: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)

Mallory: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Stacey: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
James: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Stephen: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Adam: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
James: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)
Adam: (speaks in a 'foreign' language)


JASON'S BEDROOM:

Jason: Hm, she hasn't responded back yet. Maybe she had to do some farmwork. I'll just sign off really quick: "My heart bleeds, bleeds, bleeds without you."


AGRICULTURAL BEDROOM:

Blood, blood, blood, your organs.

Cast: (screams)


JASON'S BEDROOM:

Matt: You know, you should bring her family something nice when you come.
Jason: Yeah, how about a nice set of goats?
Matt: Oh, that's nice.
Jason: Yeah.

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